Use Your Words

Friday Night Blights

mitzychick — Fri, 28 May 2010 18:37:16 +0000

It’s Friday night, I’m working my way through a bottle of Rosé after a difficult week at work, wondering whether to look for something new, maybe even move to the other side of the country. I have a track record of upping sticks and moving around when things don’t pan out the way I expected them to. Just cos I know its a think I do, doesn’t make it wrong, right?

Who knows what is the right thing to do. All I know is that the path I’m currently on isn’t really me. I can’t answer the question “what do you want to do” anymore. I used to have my life all planned out about a decade ago, I knew what company I wanted to work for, when I wanted to have children, and all of that stuff. Now I’m 39, one divorce later, and I haven’t got a clue. Shouldn’t I have been this directionless when I was fresh out of university? I’m living my life in reverse!

In the short term I’m doing the things that are expected of me – going to work, paying my rent, seeing my friends. But my underground rumble of dissatisfaction is slowly increasing in volume, and knowing my track record sooner or later it will erupt in a decision to change a significant part of my life.

I figured that I may as well lay my baggage out here for all to see rather than keep it all inside. I’m fed up of keeping it all to myself. I have no idea how this is going to pan out.

My best mate is visiting this weekend (bank holiday in the UK) so at least for a couple of days I’ll have a wonderful distraction, lots of baby time (she has a 6 month old girl), and next week work won’t look so shitty. For now back to the rosé and biscuits!

Filed under: personal

WTF?

mitzychick — Mon, 19 May 2008 18:33:28 +0000

For the past couple of months I’ve been permanently writing my blog in my head as I’ve been living my life. None of which has gotten anywhere near getting written down to this blog. The insanity of that entertains me slightly. The point of this blog is to write down stuff I do, what I’m thinking about, and all that shit. Yet I’ve not been able to actually get myself onto this page to write it down, just running a narrative in my head. I suppose in some ways it doesn’t make any difference, cos no one is going to be reading this anyway, so its no great shakes if I’m the only audience member for my internal dialogue. But I did wanna try to get stuff down, cos one day I’m gonna wonder where all the time went, why I didn’t achieve those things I wanted to do, why I am happy/unhappy/single/divorced/regretful and all that stuff. I kinda feel like if I don’t document some of my shit, did it ever happen? My memory is so bad since my bad phase and the meds I was on, that I don’t remember important stuff, which pisses me off. I used to have a fantastic memory, friends used to rely on me to remember stuff. Now I’m the idiot. Not that I ever thought of my friends as idiots if they forgot something, but you know that double standard you can apply to yourself vs everyone else? I am my harshest critic.

So here I am, saying WTF. I’m gonna write shit down. I don’t care right now if anyone ever reads it. I don’t care what people think about what they read. I’m doing this for me. Of course, the insecure demon inside of me is also begging for people to be nice if they do read this. I still need your approval, even if I don’t know you.

WTF. Insecurity. WTF. Insecurity. (repeat until end)

Annual shopping-fest

mitzychick — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 08:48:46 +0000

Last night I completed my traditional “do it all online” xmas shopping. It was an excellent decision I made a couple of years ago – don’t struggle with all the other people around the shops desperately trying to find the perfect present without killing each other. Rather ask my friends to use a wish list on amazon, or ask what they would rather have, and then buy it online. It gets delivered here without one ounce of sweat being generated through shopping stress.

Although I have to say that this year I seem to have spent a large sum in total on the whole extravaganza. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not regretting buying each of these friends a present, and I wouldn’t have bought them anything different just to save a few quid, but I have to admit that when the total spent gets calculated a shiver races up my spine because its a lot of money. At least for me, who is particularly skint right now and should be saving every last penny. I guess that’s what a 0% credit card is for, right?

All of this online stuff is very well and good, except that next week I will be lumbered with the chore of having to wrap all of these pressies up – a job I neither relish or am any good at. Its not that I don’t want to make the effort, but because I know I’m no good at it, it becomes even more of a trauma for me and I end up fighting with the paper and tape. So long as my friends don’t really care about the wrapping and just care about the present, then all’s well.

Easy on a Saturday afternoon

mitzychick — Sat, 01 Dec 2007 16:40:15 +0000

I give myself 10 out of 10 for productivity and generally doing OK today – been to my OU tutorial where it was genuinely interesting and useful, walked there and back so that’s my allocation of exercise for the day, studied some maths for a couple of hours this afternoon, and just vacuumed the downstairs of the house. In fact I’ve been so good so far, now I feel like sitting in front of the telly to watch a movie, whilst stuffing my face with a bar of chocolate, just to balance up the karma….

Car wars hasn’t escalated any more in my street over the past couple of days, so I guess things may be quiet for a while until the next upset happens and there are more complaints to the council. Can’t wait for the next installment. Actually, yes I can.

Saw my best mate yesterday and we spent the evening catching up on the past week – I love to see her looking so much better after a few rough months.

Naughty Neighbours

mitzychick — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 09:41:22 +0000

Last night I wanted to go out to the gym, and found my neighbour had left their van in the middle of the street, blocking the road. I live in a tiny cul-de-sac where there’s not enough space for everyone’s cars, and so people have to play nice and sometimes park up the end of the road where there is some general parking. But one of the other neighbours had left their car on the road by their house which meant it was a little bit difficult (but not impossible) for this van to get onto its own driveway. So in protest, they just left it in the middle of the road, blocking 5 other houses worth of cars. This isn’t the first time that this neighbour has been a pain in the arse – I’ve been reported before to the council for working from home, complained to the council for noise (which I can honestly say is not true), and pretty much every other neighbour has been complained about to the council by this bad apple.

Parking in the middle of the road and blocking everyone in takes the biscuit though. It meant I had to knock on their door and ask them to move their van, which was a pain because quite frankly the less interaction I have with them the better. We’ve never actually had cross words, and only because I try to be an easy going person, and I didn’t want to escalate a bad situation with someone I have to live next door to.

Now I hear that they have their house on the market, so fingers crossed they will be out of here soon and all of the rest of us in the cul-de-sac can relax and get on with living in what is otherwise a great place.

Why do some people have to spend their lives making others miserable? I think some of the reason behind it is that they own their house whereas 3 out of the 5 other houses are rented, and I think there is some snobbery going on there.

Get over it!

Taking my cherry

mitzychick — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 16:41:06 +0000

Wow, you know what? Writing that first post was the hardest thing!

Now that my blog-hymen has been dealt with, hopefully things will roll out of me a bit easier.

So here goes…

mitzychick — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 16:38:53 +0000

I’ve avoided this blogging thing up until today as I’ve always figured my day wasn’t interesting enough to tell other people about. But today for some reason I’ve been hit with the curiosity factor of whether doing this will actually make me think about stuff more than just going through the motions, which I think is what I’ve been doing lately.

So I have no idea right now going in whether this is going to work, you may get a couple of miserable posts from me and then a whole lot of nothing, or maybe I’ll take on this blog thingamy and get into it. I’m also doing it a little bit to satisfy the geekery in me.